We have a very active sex life, it’s been this way for quite a while. Since we began living more within the control/compliance dynamic, we can’t keep our hands off of one another, all the time. We are always touching, connecting in some way.
In my rules, he specifies that I’m to express my desires freely. Last night though, I bit my tongue. Earlier in the day, I had written him a very naughty note. I won’t go into the specifics, but this is how it ended: “Always, when I think of you like this, I’m wet and wanting. Today was one of those days.” I think I throw him off guard sometimes, mostly because he’s not used to me actually expressing my craving for him. He likes it though, he told me, so I continue. After an entire evening of stolen kisses, caresses, grabs, smacks, and lots of naughty whispers, we finally get to bed. I crawl in naked, that’s the rule, and he tells me to turn on my side. He snuggles in, we talk a bit, he touches me he says some of the most wonderful things, then GOES TO SLEEP.
In my head, the “before” me is frustrated and PISSED for a minute. The couple nights before this, he’s had me do some things in the bedroom which exert more of his control, things that please him. This pleases me to no end, that he’s comfortable taking control and voicing his wants and I’m able to please him. But last night, I wanted more. While he was snuggled into me, massaging and caressing me and saying such wonderful things, I’m quivering and in my head, my words were, “That’s so sweet, now fuck me like you own me.” But, he was visibly tired and sore from work and I bit my tongue. In another life, I would have found a way to manipulate him into feeling bad, with just a sentence. A few words. My fear of rejection would have fueled me to elicit something from him. Last night, I snuggled in, heard his beautiful words, reminded myself I wouldn’t die of horniness, and went to sleep.
Of course, this one night out of a bazillion nights, I DIDNT WAKE UP AT 3am. DAMMIT!