Follow-Up to Don’t Look Down

We talked last night. Our issue from the evening before was cleared up pretty easily, it’s amazing how quickly an apology, a hug and understanding will make things better. Those questions I had yesterday about him, they were all maybe’s or assumptions. And they were false, mostly. He has had some trouble asking for my service, but he has been asking more of me and accepting more (and I love it). He’ll get more comfortable as we go – he told me he is enjoying what I’m doing and likes that he can ask for certain things! The responsibility thing – I had worried he felt burdened by that too, but it turns out it’s the exact opposite! He doesn’t find it to be too much and he knows if something is for my (or our) own good, it needs to be said or done. He prides himself in taking on the responsibility and has no trouble taking control in this area (he’s felt this our entire marriage, just silently at times), he’s just taking his time in certain areas, exerting control a little at a time and in more ways than maybe I’d realized. I find it interesting I can be controlled without even knowing it…ha!

I was worried about communication, but he said exactly what some of you wonderfully helpful women have said: to express concerns whenever I have them and trust he will lead us in the right direction. I worried he felt I was weak or burdensome for needing him or for feeling vulnerable sometimes. Again, it wasn’t the case. He loves that I need him now, that I can express it and let him lead. He told me he loves how we are living, that he is just as happy as I am. I never doubted his commitment to this, I guess I just needed to know all was well with him, we hadn’t really talked about it in a while. I feel a responsibility for his happiness too, especially since I asked for this. I was told to let that go….

I wasn’t unhappy or fearful or upset (other than with that one issue from the night before), I just had some questions. This all made me realize I need assurance from him, that I need us to touch base every now and then to be sure we are both satisfied with our direction. Not every day, just every now and then. I also need to trust that he’ll tell me if something’s wrong or he doesn’t like the way things are going (in the past, his silence meant he was resolved to my way of doing things). In the meantime, patience. PATIENCE. And, enjoy the happy.

Best of all, I guess I don’t need to worry about looking down. In fact, I really just need to hold on to him, he IS my safety net.

7 thoughts on “Follow-Up to Don’t Look Down

  1. Lovely, Sweetie. And you reminded me how long it’s been since I asked The Boss to tell me how he feels about how we live now…and I just shut up and listen. We’re so buried in snow that we won’t be going out to sing tonight. What a great time to ask him to tell me!

  2. Thank you! That sounds like a wonderful idea! That shut up and listen thing….ya, I work on that every day. I can’t believe how powerful it is though! He talks more, is even more loving than before (which is a lot) and hears me more when I talk because what I’m saying isn’t mindless chatter. I hear him too because I”m not constantly forming a response in my head. Wow. Who knew?

  3. Great follow up! I sometimes let the time get too long in between check-in talks and I need to make sure to do it before I feel like a burden. Isn’t patience so imperative in this dynamic?! I struggle with it, but have gotten much better. I’m off to enjoy the happy!! (I just love that)

  4. Thanks! It is so important, and the most difficult part. To slow down, be mindful, appreciate. To not always be looking forward or for some ‘new’ thing to try. Those things are difficult to do, but necessary….to enjoy the happy! I’m glad you are enjoying yours.

  5. I always internally worry I’m too much… the responsibility too geat… and he is always quick to remind me that decides and wants this as I do

  6. Me too! I’ve felt that way from the start, even before, when I was making serious changes. This was the first time he actually used those words though, reminding me he would decide if it was too much or not enough….of anything. In my head I was like, “Rawr!” It’s easy to feel this way for me, because I asked for this. I did realize I’m no longer the one sustaining it at this point. That was a huge eye opener for me…it made me melt a little (ok, a lot).

    Definitely a reminder and lesson as you said. Thanks!

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