Before we began with D/s in our lives, somewhere along the way, I think we became predictable. We had settled into a way of living that was loving and comfortable, but not passionate. Last night, we reviewed our rules for the first time and he surprised me. His behavior really never surprised me until we began living this way. He doesn’t always reveal his thought processes in this, and I don’t expect him to. So, last night, when we spoke about the rules, I was very surprised at some of the things he said, some of the things he revealed. Surprised and aroused.
We knew when we began that the rules would be there as guidelines, but that he would begin to exert his control in ways he felt comfortable, when he was comfortable. I’ve seen him become more and more comfortable and exert his control in ways I hadn’t imagined he would. Well, maybe I imaged or hoped he would, but I didn’t really know how I’d react or what it would look or feel like. I wanted him to do these things in theory, but seeing him actually do them is much different. For example, he will be stern in a conversation if he sees I’m rambling or the discussion needs to end. He calls to remind me to do things he’s asked me to do or to add something to my list. He expects his coffee in the morning, made just right. He has even reminded me if I’ve forgotten something, making sure I know it was my responsibility (and he is reminding me he could institute a punishment if he chose, but the disappointment is punishment enough!). Of course, there’s so much more and for all of it, I am so grateful. I’m caught off guard at times, but in the best possible way, even if I don’t like it at the time, because I know he’s right. His confidence makes me proud…..and it’s hot. Really hot. Passion is there, all the time, in every interaction, more than ever before.
As we talked about the rules, He had me take a turn telling him what I’ve been happy with and revealing anything I’d like to change or add. I shared with him ways I’d like to improve myself. When I finished, he told me any change he’d like to see had to do with him. He said there are many more ways he’s going to begin to exert more control, and he’s figuring out the right balance. I was surprised. He even gave a few examples, which surprised me, again. Now, I’m squirming a little, because I realize he’s saying he spends time thinking about how to evolve, how to continue to make this work best for us. He feels responsibility. He feels the control is his to balance. And, my heart was bursting. It still is.