My husband and I have had a few days alone. We spent our time being close – talking, laughing, having dinner together and coffee in the mornings, snuggling and being silly. We also had some intense sexual experiences. Yesterday morning, before we picked up the girls, we were intimate, and it was a long experience. We tried some new things, which were not only physically demanding, but were also intensely emotional.
When we finished, we talked briefly, but we had to get the ‘stuff’ put away around the house and get ready for our drive. Honestly, right after, I was sort of flat, dazed and euphoric so I was fine with not talking a lot. Then, I was energetic and ‘high’ for quite a while. Later in the day, I physically crashed. I actually went to lie down for a nap, which I never do. But, I couldn’t sleep. Then, I just felt sad, but I wasn’t sure why. My sadness kept snowballing and felt very deep and inward, like a culmination of sadnesses. I was sad for everything I could possibly be sad about, as silly as that sounds. It felt lonely. It felt insecure, like I NEEDED something, but I had no idea what.
My husband is a very gentle and caring man. But, sometimes I feel juvenile telling him when I’m emotional. It feels like a plea for attention, as if I’m going about getting attention in a negative way, even though I really am experiencing these feelings. It’s still very difficult for me to ask for help, sometimes. I don’t even know what to ask for in these emotional situations. If I don’t even know what I need, how in the hell is he supposed to? So, I stewed a little. I tried to play on the computer to get my mind off of it, but it didn’t work.
In the end, I went and told him I was sad. He asked me why and I said I didn’t know. He gave me a hug, then I went upstairs and tried to gather my thoughts. And by that I mean I hid in our bedroom for a few minutes trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me and what else I should say. He came upstairs after a short time and laid with me. We talked about being sad our alone time had ended and discussed more about our experience. He just held me while I cried, then he wrapped himself completely around me and we chatted for a while. I told him I thought it might be sub drop and he didn’t think I was crazy or needy. In fact, he was happy I talked to him and made me promise to always tell him if I need to express my feelings. We also discussed our future aftercare plans.
Both tired, we got ready for bed and when he wrapped me up again he said, “If we weren’t already married, I’d ask you to marry me.” I really mean it when I ask if it’s possible to keep falling more in love. Is it? It feels like it to me.