I’m Not Allowed

I’ve mentioned recently that the concept of punishment is evolving in our home. As it does, we encounter many questions. For example, I was recently punished for forgetting to buy creamer at the store two weeks in a row. I had a spanking, it was hard and it hurt. Then, a day later, my husband realized he had forgotten to schedule a bill to be paid, so it ended up being a day late. He was visibly upset and as we laid in bed, he said to me, “I spanked you for forgetting creamer, for god’s sake. I just forgot to pay a bill. What is my punishment?” It broke my heart. I told him it was okay, we are both going to make mistakes. He said, “Not me, I’m not allowed.” I just held him and tried to reassure him that leaders make mistakes, too. I was so moved with the fact that he takes his leading so very seriously.

Honestly, this was a difficult situation. When we talked the next day, I told him that I have a need for accountability – for me. I need to know I won’t be getting away with things so I don’t ever end up being the old me again. So, I do not resent any punishment I receive. I rarely break rules, anyway. At the same time, I also do not resent that he does not get punished. He will be much harder on himself than any outside punishment could ever be. Just the fact that he wants to do the best job he can makes me ecstatic. I just want him to be happy – I want to make him happy.

**Edit: Just a few hours after I created this draft, I did something he specifically asked me not to do. I threw something away he wanted to keep and try to fix. It was lying on the counter….and I already did my spring cleaning…..and it just looked like it belonged in the trash can. Why did I throw it away? I DON’T KNOW!!! Because I’m right? No, because he probably can fix the thing. But, we bought a new one and I wanted the old, yucky one to be in the trash can. He didn’t. I honestly don’t know what the punishment will be, but I’m certain I deserve one. Mostly, I’m upset I defied and disappointed him. And, I feel like an ass.

4 thoughts on “I’m Not Allowed

    • Well, I certainly don’t love punishment. I do feel a need for accountability, so I welcome any deserved consequences. I really just hate disappointing him.

      I do like spankings, just not in this context!

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