I am a smart ass. I have a sarcastic streak a mile wide. If there’s a way to make something into a joke, I’m thinking of it in my head, and it frequently spews out of my mouth. With my husband, I’ve always just let it fly. He’s just the same, he has always been goofy and silly and witty, I love it. We laugh and tease one another all the time; our humor meshes, we get one another.
Even before D/s, one of my goals was to shut up and listen, stop interrupting, and to hear him. I wanted him to feel that I genuinely value his words and communication, that I notice and appreciate him. So, I tamed my mouth toward him. I’d still joke and be silly and even very mildly sarcastic, but not so much toward him, just with him. I listened and encouraged his talking to me and let him initiate more conversations. He noticed and began to talk more openly and express himself so much more. That’s the way it is now.
Except, along the way, he noticed in me, that the playful, sarcastic, wise ass was fading away (still there, just mostly in my head!). He mentioned it a few times, just in passing, but his jokes were indicating he didn’t like it. I began to think about it and started let some things come out that I’d been stifling, a little at a time. It didn’t always feel comfortable. It’s very difficult to balance empowering him and remaining my same sarcastic self and be/feel submissive. Sometimes, I’d even feel guilty for feeling like I was pushing him to be dominant, or walking the line between playful and disrespect, even when it wasn’t the case.
Last night, we discussed it at length. I’ve been sarcastic and sassy a little more lately, so I was worried he was going to tell me to cool it. What I learned is that he loves that I listen and hear and notice. But, he doesn’t love it when I’m quiet and reserved and serious. It’s not me, he said so, and he’s right. He likes the banter and the playfulness and the sarcasm, even toward him. He likes to be pushed a little. He finds it fun and hot and, in the silliest of ways, it reasserts who’s boss. He enjoys telling (or showing) me so.
I suppose I’ll be finding a balance in the smart ass department.