I’m not really sure how to describe all that has happened in the last month or so. There’s been so much talking and trying things and discovery and communication. It’s been impossible to keep up with writing about it and I’ve been thinking too much to try. I’ve been talking to M and focusing on us.
We learned that breaking rules and punishment sucks for us both and I haven’t broken any rules in a while. We realized that even though we may get really excited about new things in the bedroom, taking it slowly is always the answer. Otherwise, it feels like we are getting ahead of ourselves and skipping important parts of the process. I understand the need to shut my mouth sometimes, trust, go with the flow, and follow his lead. I’m always happier in the long run when I do – we’ve been doing this long enough to do this. There is a time to talk and and a time to trust and see what happens. I’m learning the balance. I realized that I find faults in the way we are doing things when I’m fighting against myself – if I’m feeling too vulnerable or shaky or afraid, I’ll revert to trying to control some aspect of this to keep myself from ‘sinking’. He realized an area of discomfort which we are both working to remedy.
Most of all, we’ve come to see how much of this is truly rooted in who we are as individuals and how we are as a couple. We see how simply being true to ourselves and nurturing these qualities has improved our lives more than we imagined it could. We are happy and hopeful, even amidst change and evolution.
We have another rule review/discussion this weekend. I’m most always surprised – I think a certain way and after we talk, his perspective changes me. He opens my eyes, in so many ways. I really love our talks.