Perfection

My whole life, I have striven for perfection in all things. No matter how big or small the task, I gave it my all, even when I knew my all would not be enough, not enough for that kind of perfection, at least.

Guess what? Perfection is in the trying. Perfection is in admitting I don’t have all the answers. Perfection is in realizing M knows what I need more than I do, because he can see the big picture and I cannot. It’s in trusting him to lead us in that perfect direction, because it’s our direction. Perfection is in shutting off my brain and seeing things his way, through his eyes. It’s in letting go of that tunnel vision that tells me there is only one way to do things.

Perfection is realizing that perfection is whatever I believe it is. It’s in whatever he sees.

Maybe, just maybe, we’ve been perfect all along.

13 thoughts on “Perfection

  1. Perfection is a road it is not a destination. No one and no thing is truly perfect. Yet it is all perfect in its own way. It is a road that never ends.

  2. Good lord, are you stealing my thoughts again? So I was musing about perfection lately too! I see it as my enemy. It steals my joy for living truly present in my life because I am always thinking about how “now” isn’t good enough, or polished enough, or whatever enough.

    This week I weighed and measured myself and had a meltdown. I’ve been on an exercise regimen for the first time IN MY LIFE for the last year. I have lost 30 pounds. I look different. I feel different. I am different. And yet, I know I need to lose another 50 but I can’t move the scale. When I took my measurements, they weren’t appreciably even different from a year ago, and yet nothing I own fits anymore. So my perfectionism obsession takes over and starts analyzing my situation and of course I come up a failure. NEVERMIND that I have nothing to wear. NEVERMIND that my husband thinks I am hot. NEVERMIND that people comment every sing day about how incredible I look. Since the numbers didn’t change like my preconceived idea, nothing I’ve done has value. UGH!! Stupid thinking pattern! I can see it and still let it sneak in. And this is just one example of my idiocy.

    However, D/s is allowing me to stop the crazy train in my relationship with Mr. HH and get off to rest. He is deciding what perfect is now. I’m finding the longer we are at this, the more comfortable I am with his vision too. I think it is spreading to other parts of my life. Last night I was able to give up a little mind battle I was having over a sewing project and go to bed. No dreaming about how to fix it, which is very unusual for me. Maybe, I’m catching on.

  3. I totally get you. All or nothing, right? You either hit the mark, completely and entirely, or it is a failure. There is not almost perfect, right?

    I share your idiocy. Even in the weight loss – I’ve lost 85 pounds. That is something I should be proud of, but I find things to kick myself in the ass about. All the time. Nevermind that my body can do things it hasn’t done in 20 years, nevermind how awesome I feel, nevermind all the effort and the races, nevermind M thinks I’m smokin’ hot. If I see that skin in the mirror, sometimes I just want to cry. It will be a reminder every day and that is difficult to swallow, despite the successes along the way. I understand that thinking pattern. I am learning to halt it, too. If I think as he would think, see as he would see, I can stop it in it’s tracks….and simply let it go.

    It’s already spread to all parts of my life, just like you mentioned. All day long, I have this narration in my head, as ridiculous as it sounds. I complete each and every task throughout my day as if M were watching over my shoulder. If I’m about to make a poor decision, I think twice. I allow that narration to dictate my behavior – I behave in ways that would make him proud. Then, I’m happy and proud, which really does affect his happiness. It’s a win/win!!

    I’m so happy you are able to let go, now. I know you are catching on. Happiness begets happiness, it only gets better.

    XOXO
    TAS

    • Man, we are such similar thinkers. No almost perfect. It is great on the job but a terrible way to live. I just never get to the finish line. I’m always second guessing my decisions. Sometimes I paralyze myself because I CAN’T decide which thing would be MORE perfect. Argh!! I want to get off the merry-go-round.

      I can keep it going during the day, if I can hear from him or not get completely wound up in work drama, but sometimes I just can’t get there. Those days I feel like a bigger failure, instead of just having an off day. It’s those times that I find myself really spiraling because, I mean, I’ve already blown it and obviously I’m not going to ever be perfect at this submission thing….negative self-talk and he’s not there to jerk me back. Perfectionism at its finest self-destructive place. Today was one of those days. And kid crap all evening long did not help my mental space. Going to have to read my essay on Mindfulness and meditate before bed.

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