Taking Care

I don’t get ill very often. Today, I’m ill, and I really hate it. I hate the things I can’t get done when I’m ill. I hate the responsibilities that fall onto others’ shoulders. I hate the feeling that there will be so many things to do and that there will be all these things that will pile up if I slow down and admit I’m ill.

I really hate that weak feeling I get when I’m ill, not from the illness itself, but that one that makes me feel needy and childish and something else I can’t quite put my finger on.

Historically, I don’t even go to the doctor until I can’t take it any longer. Then I go, I get medicine, and I get on with things. I might slow down very briefly, like for a nap or something, but that’s it. Unless it’s really bad. Then, I’m an emotional wreck, because I feel like a burden. Not only are my duties not being completed, but someone might even have to help me, too. Oh, man. That feels so….uncomfortable. So, I try really hard not to need the help. I’ve certainly never asked for any.

Today might be the first time I was really honest about how bad I felt. It began with a simple text to M, which was returned with a phone call in maybe 3 seconds, no joke. I was told to go to urgent care and I went. He told me to come home, then went to get my medicine for me so I could lie down. He brought me my meds with food because that’s what the label said. Then, he told me not to worry about dinner, he has it covered. I got a big kiss and he tucked me in on the couch before he went back to work.

Huh. I didn’t even have to ask for help. I was told to not feel bad about him leaving work before I even said anything. I was told to rest and to call if I needed him.

I’m sick, but I feel so…..good. It feels so good to let him take care of me.

10 thoughts on “Taking Care

  1. I hope you feel better soon. I more than understand how the mixtures of feelings are like when I know something like a bad flu or something hits…and I keep telling myself I don’t have time for it. Humility for me is hard – to admit I need help or I can’t finish something. I am so scared to ask or say something, then when I finally get the courage I can’t figure out why it took so long lol.

  2. Can I have a favorite part in this post? Because the part where you texted and he immediately called to take care of you with a directive to go see the doctor….that made me melt. Hope you feel MUCH better soon but until then, I’m so glad to hear M has this. Xo

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