So many wonderful things are happening here. I’ve highlighted them in recent posts, but I’m just so in awe at how we are developing. The more I’m content and the more I let go, the more he is comfortable leading. The less I push, the more he grows. The happier I am, the happier we become.
M and I had a date last night. As always, we had so much fun sitting and talking with one another. My heart beat a little faster when he slid into the booth next to me and put his hand on my leg. Our conversation came easily and we laughed and enjoyed one another. We went shopping and he helped me choose some things. At home, we made carmel corn, then snuggled on the couch and watched a movie together. My thoughts kept drifting – when he reached for me, or glided a finger across my skin, or used his finger to push my hair behind my ear to see my face a little better – I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Just him.
The entire evening, I couldn’t help anticipating that ‘something new’ he had mentioned earlier in the day. I haven’t asked for anything in a long time and we’ve been doing things completely at his pace, concentrating on us and not so much on the toys. Last night, for the first time, he told me I get to choose. I could choose any implements I wanted and I was to lay them out in the order I’d like them to be used, from left to right. I could choose as many or as few as I liked (I chose a length of rope, the crop, the flogger and his belt). Then, I was to wait as instructed.
As usual, my first response was a grin. I grinned as I chose, I grinned as I waited and I grinned as I heard him enter the room behind me. But, for the first time in a very long time, I trembled as I waited. We’ve come so far and he has grown so much, I just had a feeling. I felt nervous and vulnerable. Not because I was afraid or worried in any way, I just knew I was about to experience something bigger, something from him that we’d not experienced before.
I was right. I won’t go into too much detail, but I will say that the connection he created between us in the applying of the rope, his mastery of the implements, the intensity with which he used them, his confidence, and the way he completely commanded each and every response of mine – it was like nothing else. Remember when I said I giggled when I felt the pull of his dominance the most? Well, I didn’t just giggle. I laughed last night. I laughed, a lot.