I don’t understand how being on top, or in any position for that matter, could be considered as the submissive ‘topping’ or a dominant giving up some of the control. If M wants me in a position, that’s where I am. It’s precisely where I want to be, focused on pleasing him. Following.
Before this dynamic, being on top felt so exposing, so awkward. I avoided eye contact. All I thought about was how my body looked with each movement, how his eyes were on me, how I hoped I was moving in ways that pleased him. I worried I was less than what he wanted or deserved.
Now, when he wants me there, I happily follow. I am vulnerable and exposed for him, and it’s an amazingly freeing feeling. I revel in watching and feeling his pleasure, I center on his directions. In his hands, even on top, I feel small and empowered, not powerful. There’s a difference.
I’m on top, because that’s exactly where he wants me to be.