Happening Too

About a week and a half ago, we had a mishap. M and I suffered some miscommunication and it hurt the both of us. We talked and tried to connect in the days that followed, but he worked 16 hour days and we didn’t see much of one another, except late in the evening.

For the past week, my oldest daughter was away at camp. Youngest daughter sleeps like a rock and goes to bed early, so we took advantage of the extra time in the evenings. We truly talked more in depth than we have in a while, every night, trying to get to the bottom of our miscommunication issue and work past it. I think we ended up having some of the best talks we’ve had since this all began.

While the talks began by revolving around the topic of the miscommunication, they became so much more. They morphed into discussions about how to cater to the others’ stress levels (knowing what the other needs, asking for help), adjusting our rules or expectations, reminiscing about how far we’ve come, the sharing of likes/dislikes and desires, and so much more. We sat or laid together as we talked. We touched. And more.

M took advantage of the time this week to work things through in the bedroom as well. Each night was building upon the night before. We began with simple closeness, just our bodies, a lead and follow, and the deepest connecting experience. He added in similar activities to ones that caused our miscommunication, but we talked them through. By the end of the week, we had talked so much about the topics of edging and denial, communication and aftercare, and he had taken me in directions which surprised me a little, even pushed me again. I’m so impressed with the the way he knows how to encourage me (get in my head), how my body responds, and how to get to a place together. Our talks and the building and deepening of our trust have made it possible. In fact, we’ve discussed so many possibilities and ways to further explore this together, all of which include communication, along with the possibility of mistakes. And, if we stumble and make mistakes, we will face them, head on, together. Just like always.

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”

Dr. Seuss

5 thoughts on “Happening Too

  1. It sounds like even with the miscommunication amazing building with each other was able to happen. I agree communication can be difficult since each of us does it differently, and expects different reactions. Awesome you got to talk about those topics, I think it’s so important.

  2. I think so, too. I give myself a hard time sometimes. My tendency is to go along with whatever I believe he wants or what we I think will please him, but I need to communicate more about that, for sure. We are practicing just that.

    Thank you!

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