I know what’s been bothering me. I didn’t want to admit it, it seems silly on it’s face. It does.
I’m anxious. We leave for a weeklong camping trip on Saturday morning. We will be on the water in the mountains at the most beautiful place we camp, for a week. I should be excited, I know this. I love it there. But, this year, I will miss M. This year, it feels different.
Last year, I felt a pang of what I’m feeling now. I had begun to embrace myself by then and M and I were experiencing so many positive affects, we were so much closer. But, this year, we are in a different realm. We are closer than we’ve ever been. We’ll be camping with many other families, with many activities and cooking and children…..and I fear we won’t have much time together, to connect. We will be sleeping in our camper each night with our children, so sexual activities will be hard to come by.
What seems silly to me, is that I’m actually anxious about the lack of sexual activity. Even at home, when we’ve had a busy day and children take up our time, we meet at the end of the day, finding time for sitting at his feet, conversation, cuddling, closeness……and most days some sort of connecting, sexual activity.
Is sex the only way to express love or Dominance or submission? Of course not. But, it sure is reassuring, isn’t it? It feels like concentrated love, an expression of Dominance and submission and love in it’s most raw form. I’m addicted to it, to him, his touch.
It feels like an eternity.