There was a very simple realization last evening as M and I talked. It’s not anything new, but it seems to have applied so many times along this journey. What an idea or behavior looks like in my head or M’s head may be very different to how it actually plays out in real life. Even further, what it looks like in his head may differ significantly from what it looks like in mine.
Spanking and impact play has required so much talking, it was feeling very frustrating that we haven’t been able to better define our boundaries and expectations for certain things. Part of the problem is me not wanting to ask for things, I know this. I just don’t want to pressure or disappoint him. Another issue has been us thinking there has to be some category to our play. We’ve seen those charts and writings that designate what Therapy vs. Punishment. Vs. Play Vs. Maintenance spanking should look or feel like.
Guess what? That doesn’t work for us. We don’t do physical punishment, at all. I do feel the need for impact/spanking as ‘therapy’ and I definitely love it during play. But, why do they have to look differently? They don’t. And, they aren’t going to at our house, not for now, at least.
What happened here last night was proof. We had it right all along – turns out pain/pleasure in any context works just fine for the both of us (throw in forced orgasms or some edge play like M loves to do and……oh, my, god). I guess now, I have to keep learning to ask for what I need. It’s getting easier, I think.