Our Definition

There was a very simple realization last evening as M and I talked. It’s not anything new, but it seems to have applied so many times along this journey. What an idea or behavior looks like in my head or M’s head may be very different to how it actually plays out in real life. Even further, what it looks like in his head may differ significantly from what it looks like in mine.

Spanking and impact play has required so much talking, it was feeling very frustrating that we haven’t been able to better define our boundaries and expectations for certain things. Part of the problem is me not wanting to ask for things, I know this. I just don’t want to pressure or disappoint him. Another issue has been us thinking there has to be some category to our play. We’ve seen those charts and writings that designate what Therapy vs. Punishment. Vs. Play Vs. Maintenance spanking should look or feel like.

Guess what? That doesn’t work for us. We don’t do physical punishment, at all. I do feel the need for impact/spanking as ‘therapy’ and I definitely love it during play. But, why do they have to look differently? They don’t. And, they aren’t going to at our house, not for now, at least.

What happened here last night was proof. We had it right all along – turns out pain/pleasure in any context works just fine for the both of us (throw in forced orgasms or some edge play like M loves to do and……oh, my, god). I guess now, I have to keep learning to ask for what I need. It’s getting easier, I think.

13 thoughts on “Our Definition

  1. It takes time and practice to figure out what you want/need….what it comes down to in the end what works for one doesn’t work for the other. Nothing about this lifestyle is cookie cutter.

  2. Good girl miss AS… Yes, ask for what you need in a respectfully playful tone, you’ll likely get what you want, two-fold. This too- there is no law that says you need to conform in any way, shape or form to someone else’s idea of D/s, BDSM, or marriage for that matter. Yours is yours. No one is permitted to judge. If you ask an opinion, it’s just that. If it works for you and the learning and the progress has forward momentum, then it is good. Anything else is just an observation. Stay true to who you are in each other and do not judge- just explore.

    -Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)

    • So true, Mr. Wolf. It feels good to pave our own way. Sometimes it just takes a lot of talking and trying things on for size.

      I really am learning to ask for what I need. To be realistic and not feel guilty. M wants me too and feels pride on being able to provide for me. See why I love him so much?

      Thank you so much!
      Kay

  3. It only makes sense that it would end up uniquely yours & M’s since there are no other humans on the planet identical to you. It was the constant “bs” I read about “true” anything that held me back from pursuing what is without doubt the greatest journey of my life. Live, play, love and build YOUR lives . . . the blueprints are yours alone.

    Annie

  4. I’m bad about asking for what I want sometimes. But i getting there. I think I’m afraid of the old “topping from the bottom”. I do get punishment spankings, but they’re with the crop, which is my least liked toy. Generally, I wouldn’t like to have a physical punishment, but since I dislike the crop so much, it’s very effective. LOL

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