Under M’s control, impact play paired with forced orgasms and/or edging is bliss in submission to me. My body’s response is undeniable, but I also find some sort of pleasure/release in the ability to endure. In meeting his expectations. In the mental and physical challenge it takes to do so – to allow my brain to fully engage with only him and nothing else. When I am fully alive in his control. It’s deeply submissive, in a way that takes me almost out of my body, in the hyper-focus I have on only following him.
There are times when I find my inner voice wanting more, wishing for more, wanting him to keep going, to continue until I’m unable to have an inner voice, when even that is gone. It’s not just the pain/pleasure I want to feel, it’s that I want to follow and follow until I’m absolutely and completely surrendered, unable to see or feel or hear or taste or smell anything but him. I want to give him my all, every last bit of me, to let go of it all. Without a single thought, only him left in my head, nothing else. When he takes up all the space, inside my head and outside, too. I just want him to push me past the point I think I can’t give anymore…….but I want him to want to. I want him to get to that place when he is so overwhelmed with his primal need to control me and is so attuned to me, that he wants us to go to that place together. That place where our trust is tested, but also affirmed. Where we come out on the other side newer in some way, with eyes open just a bit wider, having discovered things about one another, again. With a new appreciation for this exchange we have and a deeper connection.
I crave it. I need it. With him.