I Need Him

My M is a face to face communicator. Texts, phone conversations, and emails are not his thing, nor is social media. He prefers person to person contact, the personal nature of a relationship, no matter who he’s speaking to. With his loved ones, he feels even more strongly about that, and with me, even more so. He’s not into superficial surface speak, especially not with me, not with anything conveying emotion. Which is why texts, especially, feel rather impersonal to him. Even more so from his work phone, where he has to be very mindful of what is said.

I feel similarly. But…….

I need my M. Every single day, I draw from his positive energy, from his continual guidance and leadership. I draw strength from his presence, in any form at all. I need him, even when he is not here. I depend on him, on his energy and his strength. When he leaves, even just for work, some of that leaves with him. I miss him and I think of him.

The pull to him is even stronger if he’s gone for longer periods of time. I feel that loss even more. My well runs dry much quicker and is unable to be refilled when there is little communication, when we cannot talk, when I can’t see his face, feel his touch, or draw from his presence.

Besides the fact that I draw so much from his positive energy and strength, I just need to know he thinks of me. That I’m worth the few seconds it takes to send a quick note. That I’m on his mind and he wants to tell me so. That he needs me, too.

I’ve communicated this to him before, but while he was gone last week, and our communication was limited, it really hit me. Hard. Last night we talked about it again and I was able to be more clear about my feelings and how it effects me.

Yes, I am an independent woman. I can do things on my own. I know he loves me and thinks of me. But, I need him, more than I ever imagined I could, more than I ever imagined I did. I need his presence, in any form. He is the positive energy that fuels me, the strength that tops mine off, the love that fills my heart. Now that my guard is down and I’ve given myself to him, I just need him, I need his energy, I need his reassurance. A lot.

10 thoughts on “I Need Him

  1. This talks about asking for a “touch” throughout the day, etc.

    http://www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-2-traits-2014-11

    Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife — a sign of interest or support — hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

  2. It’s an amazing and nearly indescribable energy we gain from the other soul that possess ours. It can feel to me like I am operating at 98% when we are apart – some of me is missing.

    The daunting part for me is having crossed the ‘mid-life’ portion of our journey, knowing we have lived more years than are ahead of us. This makes us both mindful to limit our time away from each other – physically or otherwise.

    • It really is, Annie. I feel the same, all the time.

      Getting older definitely makes us look at the world a bit differently as we travel this path together. It’s a wonderful thing, but I understand the daunting aspect. It is what it is, huh?!?!

      “Let’s, we stay together
      Loving you whether, whether
      Times are good or bad, happy or sad… Come on….”

      Kay💜

  3. I so understand how you feel. You said it exactly right: That need to know that he’s thinking of you, that you’re worth the few seconds it takes to send a short note. I have that need too, but Christopher only sends me texts in answer to questions/concerns I have. As with your M, my Scorpio does not convey deep emotions through texts. He’ll tell me in person how he feels. It is irritating and hurtful at times. But I’ve become accustomed to his ways. It took me a while but I know now that I am loved and cherished. That makes the silences easier. I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are cared for and loved.♥

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