My M is a face to face communicator. Texts, phone conversations, and emails are not his thing, nor is social media. He prefers person to person contact, the personal nature of a relationship, no matter who he’s speaking to. With his loved ones, he feels even more strongly about that, and with me, even more so. He’s not into superficial surface speak, especially not with me, not with anything conveying emotion. Which is why texts, especially, feel rather impersonal to him. Even more so from his work phone, where he has to be very mindful of what is said.
I feel similarly. But…….
I need my M. Every single day, I draw from his positive energy, from his continual guidance and leadership. I draw strength from his presence, in any form at all. I need him, even when he is not here. I depend on him, on his energy and his strength. When he leaves, even just for work, some of that leaves with him. I miss him and I think of him.
The pull to him is even stronger if he’s gone for longer periods of time. I feel that loss even more. My well runs dry much quicker and is unable to be refilled when there is little communication, when we cannot talk, when I can’t see his face, feel his touch, or draw from his presence.
Besides the fact that I draw so much from his positive energy and strength, I just need to know he thinks of me. That I’m worth the few seconds it takes to send a quick note. That I’m on his mind and he wants to tell me so. That he needs me, too.
I’ve communicated this to him before, but while he was gone last week, and our communication was limited, it really hit me. Hard. Last night we talked about it again and I was able to be more clear about my feelings and how it effects me.
Yes, I am an independent woman. I can do things on my own. I know he loves me and thinks of me. But, I need him, more than I ever imagined I could, more than I ever imagined I did. I need his presence, in any form. He is the positive energy that fuels me, the strength that tops mine off, the love that fills my heart. Now that my guard is down and I’ve given myself to him, I just need him, I need his energy, I need his reassurance. A lot.