Despite my colossal fuck up last week, I have been doing a better job asking for help, in being specific in describing the need so M and I can talk through a way to have it met. The way in which this has evolved over time is amazing to me, the way in which we’ve become more skillful at playing to one another’s strengths and helping/encouraging where there are weaknesses in order to deepen our communication.
The other night, I’d been anxious and worrying about a few things – an issue with my mom, M’s doctor appointment, some difficult things regarding my job – and I’d been trying to keep my mind off of the worries by being a little silly and ornery….which is really just attention seeking and being playfully challenging. A little of that is fun and M loves it, but I was beginning to approach the line. I stopped, told M what was on my mind and asked him for help.
So, how did this talkative, slightly OCD, symmetry loving girl end up ball gagged with chopsticks on only her right nipple? Sometimes, the help is offered in a way I’d not considered…..but it’s precisely what I’d needed. I wasn’t able to talk in circles and the chopsticks kept me off balance, instantly connected to him and following his every lead. All those worries and the anxiety faded away.
The next day, he helped me talk it all through. Then, he grabbed my left breast, squeezed it, and said, “Aww, do you feel left out?”, as he laughed. See why I love him?