On our long trip in the vehicle today, M said something to me about our experience last night (which was fucking amazing!!), a compliment of sorts, one that stirred something in me, this newer feeling which amazes me each and every time.
M has told me so many times how much he loves witnessing, being a part of, and even helping to facilitate my true sexual freedom over time, but today he specifically complimented my execution of a particular act that has been one I used to feel very self conscious about. Explaining how erotic and sexy it is that I do so with confidence, maybe even show off a little for him (I totally do), he shifted in his seat and the look on his face as he spoke….ooof. And as he spoke, I blushed! This man made me blush! Where the fuck does that come from?
So often now M will say things to me, such as how much he loves watching or experiencing me do this or that and how sexy it is, how sexy my confidence is, or how amazing my ability is in a particular situation….and now I blush! I grin, uncontrollably, ear to ear, and with a small voice I express my gratitude. All the while, this butterfly feeling swirls away in my belly, my cheeks get hot, I’m acutely aware of every molecule in my body humming, and I fidget. It’s not embarrassment, at all. It’s a feeling that has evolved over time, a breathtaking, soul affirming feeling.
In the past, those sorts of comments and compliments from him were not always well received. I dismissed them (didn’t feel worthy) and even became upset internally, because they made me feel so exposed. Embarrassed, even as I wanted so badly to revel in it. But now, this newer feeling is unbelievable – it’s a combination my genuine acceptance of his adoration, a growing confidence in myself, and unrestrained trust in him (because I KNOW what he says is truly how he feels). It’s a feeling that he’s undoubtedly aroused by me and he truly desires me. And there’s this giddy girl inside me who absolutely basks in his affection, in knowing I’ve pleased him…that same girl whose insides do backflips when she hears ‘good girl’ or ‘that’s my girl’ from him, because that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be.
My blushing cheeks tell him, without doubt, I belong to him, that my heart and soul are FREE. Free to feel and express and accept. Because of him.