I Choose to See

Some days it’s so easy to feel the weight. It’s not just sitting upon my shoulders, it’s a iron anvil dropped on my chest. It’s spoiled and sour, rumbling and curdling in the pit of my belly. It’s a revolving avalanche of thoughts and feelings taking up all the space in my head and stretching my heart too tight.

Some days the world just seems to work against me. Just as the comfort of this life begins to settle in, the world stirs the pot with ten ladles, all at once. Both cars break down, the A/C goes out, business is down and money is tight, vacation is scheduled and the truck it still broken, my body is rebelling, the washer breaks, the scale tells me I’ve gained a few pounds, the oven breaks, business is down again, I can’t sleep, school starts soon (high school for one!) and the new gymnastics schedule is impossible to accommodate. Amidst it all, one of the people I love most in this world screams for me. PRESENT me.

I realize in a split second, none of that shit in the pot really matters to me. I realize, again, that I carry all that weight by choice. I am the anvil, the spoiled sourness, the one who fuels the avalanche and overfills my heart. I allow it all to feel like overwhelming weight which sometimes distracts me from seeing what really matters.

I choose to see. I don’t have all the answers and I’m scared silly, but I SEE.

10 thoughts on “I Choose to See

  1. Absofuckinglutely the single most important thing we do – SEE them as they are, love them right there. The rest will still be trying to get our attention when we look around. I love you so much it hurts sis and wish I was right there to hug ya❤️

  2. You are suffering from a bad case of “Damned if I do and Damned if I don’t.” You are a wife, mother, daughter, employee, maid, cook, personal assistant, chauffer, and do EVERYTHING girl. No matter what choices you make, you can come up with several reasons why you shouldn’t. I TOTALLY understand this affliction. PLEASE give yourself a break. You CAN’T be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. Pick your absolute priorities and address those. Make sure that YOU are one of those priorities. Sending you best wishes and lots of love. ❤

    • Very true, Miss Amelia. I do suffer that, or I cycle to it now whereas I used to live it constantly. Either way, I’m continuously trying to find a better balance! Thanks you so much for your encouraging and supporting words!

  3. We all get bogged down with the day to day crap that makes us feel like the world is coming to an end. When something profound happens, we realize that all the other stuff is just shit and we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t beat yourself up for not seeing. You are human and you are doing your damned best. What matters now is how you proceed. Attack this like you do everything else. With love, patience, kindness, caring and an open mind. It will get better my love. If I have to fly out to you to hold your hand, I will. You mean that much to me. Sending you virtual hugs and strength. You will make it sista!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️

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