Some days it’s so easy to feel the weight. It’s not just sitting upon my shoulders, it’s a iron anvil dropped on my chest. It’s spoiled and sour, rumbling and curdling in the pit of my belly. It’s a revolving avalanche of thoughts and feelings taking up all the space in my head and stretching my heart too tight.
Some days the world just seems to work against me. Just as the comfort of this life begins to settle in, the world stirs the pot with ten ladles, all at once. Both cars break down, the A/C goes out, business is down and money is tight, vacation is scheduled and the truck it still broken, my body is rebelling, the washer breaks, the scale tells me I’ve gained a few pounds, the oven breaks, business is down again, I can’t sleep, school starts soon (high school for one!) and the new gymnastics schedule is impossible to accommodate. Amidst it all, one of the people I love most in this world screams for me. PRESENT me.
I realize in a split second, none of that shit in the pot really matters to me. I realize, again, that I carry all that weight by choice. I am the anvil, the spoiled sourness, the one who fuels the avalanche and overfills my heart. I allow it all to feel like overwhelming weight which sometimes distracts me from seeing what really matters.
I choose to see. I don’t have all the answers and I’m scared silly, but I SEE.