I love the bedtime routine M and I have established. It is maybe our most deeply connecting time of the day. As M showers, I take care of last minute business, and when he comes down the stairs, I’m kneeling and waiting at the edge of the bed (actually, I usually scurry to get into position as his feet hit the last few stairs, as I described in this post).
When he comes to me, he always says a few words, kisses me and leans in to cradle me into him, and I wrap my arms round him, a full body embrace. He calls this our exhale. It’s our time to breath out all the days’ stress, to take off all our hats, and just be. He and I. He the one for whom I kneel and lean on and I, the one for whom he stands tall, but also leans on.
Many times, even if there’s to be kinky fuckery happening, he still wants to cuddle me, and talk a bit first. For the longest time, he’d tell me to lie down and he’d join me. Sometime over the last few months, it’s naturally evolved.
Now, he’ll tell me to lie back….and he tucks me in. Pulling the covers up, he will often pinch, pull, bite, or slap my tender bits, then tuck the covers up under my chin, smooth out the covers, and kiss my forehead. He’ll slide in next to me, pull my leg up over him and we’ll talk (which is difficult if his hand roams, and it usually does!).
M does so many things which communicte to me how much he cares. But this one, as its evolved as part of an evening routine he devised and instituted, one which means so very much to me, is more than just feeling his care.
It’s a seemingly small gesture, but it feels much larger to me. It feels like M further embracing the small and most vulnerable parts of me that I tucked away for so long, the ones who desperately need to feel accepted and cradled. It feels like me allowing him to do just that.
And it feels so good.