Half Empty?

M has often said that I have a knack for focusing easily on the negative in a situation, especially if it has to do with the two of us. I can’t say that isn’t true, because it is, and sometimes it’s pretty frustrating. 

But I don’t focus on the negative because I’m a pessimist or because I enjoy wallowing in misery. I do not enjoy creating my own misery or conjuring anxiety for the sake of feeling crappy. I have a deep need to understand things, especially when it has to do with us. I need to know the why’s and how’s, especially when it comes to his thinking, and he is not an especially verbal person, so I ask. 

Our relationship is the foundation on which I stand every day. It’s woven into my backbone, and I count on it, I count on us, and this structure we’ve built. So when I feel unsure about a situation, or something has left me feeling off, I need to talk it through with M so I can understand. Sometimes I just need reassurance, because I’m fighting old habits or ways of thinking, and I’m left feeling vulnerable. 

Either way, when I’m focusing on the negative, I’m focusing on what I cannot understand or explain on my own, and I’m desperately trying to NOT make poor assumptions or speculations. I’m looking to him for clarification and assurance. Instead of allowing my mind to create a negative space that hurts us both, I’m leaning on him and placing confidence in him to guide us in the direction that suits us. 

That’s progress, I think. I’m not seeing the cup as half empty or doubting his abilities. I’m saying to him – our cup is not half empty or half full, but together we are the pitcher that can constantly refill the glass. I’m asking him to help me tip the pitcher. And, luckily, he is very patient, and we’ve talked it through so many times, he usually understands. 

27 thoughts on “Half Empty?

  1. Kay, I have said those exact words to Oberon often, “I have a deep need for understanding things, especially when it has to do with us.” I got chills reading it right now even. . .if we’re anything alike, I know what your feeling. . . Unable to let something go even as you see it creating tension between you two which is the exact opposite of your intention! . . .take a deep breath. Go for a walk, take a bubble bath, clear your mind. The answers often come when we stop thinking/stressing directly about it. . .or perhaps I’m only projecting here. .you and M got this! Whatever it is ♡

    • Yep! I can’t let anything go, even if it may cause tension, because I actually believe it’s not fair to either of us for me to stuff those things away. I did it for years! And it most certainly did NOT help. Not at all. So now we talk it all through! And he really does usually understand. He knows it’s because I need to understand his thinking, and he’s not a particularly verbal guy. He’s happy to discuss things when I bring them up, while also confronting my thinking which is detrimental to us when it is.

      Thank you for relating and for kind words, Tatiana!

      • Your right of course, keeping it or jumping to false conclusions is far worse than tension. Talking about things is essential to understanning. . . Miss you Kay ♡

      • I think so! And knowing there is a foundation on which we can rely, one which understands there is no manipulation and only good intention, helps tremendously!

        I’m always right here….lol. Reach out anytime! I know I don’t write specifically about M and I as much, or comment as much. It’s odd how things evolve. I’m so much more sure and much less inclined to journal my raw feelings, and more inclined to write after the fact, if that makes sense. But then it doesn’t seem as relevant to share, lol. I don’t know. I’m trying to find my place, Or my voice, I suppose. It’s evolved!

      • Again I know exactly how you feel giggles. My blogging has evolved too and more importantly my frame of mind. . . I had forgotten my password for the email attached to this blog. ..when I finally signed in I have over 4,000 emails to sort through 😕 l

      • Holy cow!!! I read about your blog troubles, too. I’m sorry that’s happened!

        Yes! Definitely the frame of mind. I tried to have a second blog, even, but then it was just too much. So, I write a lot, actually, it’s just varied in genre and content. Just whatever pops into my brain, lol.

  2. I am big on being the devil’s advocate. I am a woman who looks at the glass half empty married to man whose glass is half full, he is also a genius, still I have to have my say!

    • I can appreciate that, Holly! M is definitely a glass is half full guy. I have a need to feel valued and heard, as well, and to understand and be understood.

  3. A friendship that began with promises of open communication on every topic, without any lies, and just being ourselves, has grown into a soul-mate style relationship with the love of my life. Kay, you have it right, communication is that important to a relationship.

  4. I think I am a pessimist but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. I think that part of why I’ve always been down on myself for being a pessimist is not because it makes me sad. It’s because everyone else thinks I shouldn’t be this way. When you are told enough times that the way you think is the wrong way, you start to think that might be true… and that is what seeps into the rest of my life making me less than happy — everyone thinks I’m living life incorrectly!

    I do identify, though with your explanation about needing to understand things. I always need to figure things out… and I may drive myself a little nuts doing that, especially when it’s something I’m never going to figure out on my own. And I certainly do not enjoy wallowing or creating my own misery… I hate when people think that. Who wants to be miserable or sad or would create such feelings intentionally? I don’t think anyone would!

    • I can empathize with that, Sandra! No one should pass judgement about the way you think, and I’m happy you aren’t sad. There’s isn’t anything wrong with the way you live – if it works for you, it works for you!

      I’m not sad, either. And maybe I’ve been the way I am because I had to be, meaning I felt like I had to consider all the possibilities and chart a course that felt right to me after doing so. I didn’t assume the worst, but I certainly didn’t ignore the possibility. Nor did I assume the best. I considered it all. That’s being a realist, I think, but some believe I overthink things. Sometimes I do, and I know that, but I definitely recognize that pattern more these days. The problem in the past was that I always thought I had to do it all alone, that I couldn’t lean on anyone or truly trust anyone, but me. I had to be that way. And now I do trust M, and I need him. He knows so. In doing so, I need to feel heard and valued, and while I can trust that many of those possibilities I no longer need to consider, I sometimes need reassurance and to understand his thought process. That’s why the communication is so important, and we’ve been growing that together. You’re right, I don’t enjoy creating or wallowing in my own misery at all, or pulling anyone else into it. I gotta move forward.

      Thank you so much for sharing and fur your lovely comment.

  5. That need to UNDERSTAND, to ‘get it’ from His perspective drives me, also. My only wish is that when i do ask, that the question is not seen as question-ing or criticizing Him, rather seeing things through His perspective. Vive la difference, so long as we grow together. 💜

    • Yes! Me too, Tasha. I don’t want that, or to be seen as assuming the worst if I’m asking for clarification if my feelings or thoughts sound irrational. Luckily, heist end and assures me my feelings are never invalid, even if they are irrational.

      • Master’s and my backgrounds growing up were so different– his was loving and nurturing, complete with two funny parents and mine was not, so our perspectives on things aren’t always in sync. Trusting is much easier for him than me and sometimes I need His help getting there

      • It’s VERY similar here, I can empathize. Although M’s weren’t lovely-touchy-feely, but they were supportive and present. I definitely have the bigger trust issues, and he’s had to learn compassion to an extent.

  6. Love this! I can’t add to the conversation cause you know we are different in this regard but I absolutely love how the two of you work this love, my lil sister.

  7. All of this, yes. When things with Sir are off, for whatever reason, my whole world tilts and I have to figure it out! I must talk, question, delve, sometimes prod a bit, until I can understand exactly why something is the way it is. Yesterday, in fact. I also focus on the negative – but because I need to know why and how in order to fix and avoid in the future.
    I love this post. It’s always nice to know I’m not the only one that operates this way.

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