insecurity grips
when I’m unsure
or anxious;
when I’m silent
and don’t say a word

insecurity turns to fear
when I feel wounded
or forgotten;
when I’m quiet 
and don’t say a word

fear turns to loathing
when I seem invisible,
or inferior

when I’m silent 
and don’t say a word

-image credit Tumblr

“People only get really interesting when they begin to rattle the bars of their cages.”

Alain de Botton

21 thoughts on “Silent

  1. Oh yes. It’s a slippery and well worn slope. Silence was my go-to. It wasn’t a good place to be. It’s always easier to fall into that place, but it’s self torment on the highest order. Communicating the ouchies is hard but incredibly rewarding when you’re with someone who craves your healing as much as your torment.

    I love this one. Well done sweetie. 💞

    • It was mine too, in many ways, especially when I felt I wasn’t being heard anyway. It most definitely wasn’t a good place, and I absolutely agree with the torment. It’s the most tormenting of all, silence.

      Yes, it is! Thank you, Em.

    • It’s not a lovely place to be, that’s for sure. It was my pattern for a very long time. I’m sorry you are familiar. Love to you.💜

  2. A fetal position works very well with that silence. Though I have yet to settle down with my thumb in my mouth. I DO, however, on occasion, sleep with my wonderful stuffed pack rat Percy. He’s a calming influence and I can put all my crap in the bag he carries with him and let HIM worry about things for awhile. Every now and then he pops into my blog (on Journey 2016) to say hey. 😉 Great poem. I identified with every word.

    • I’m sorry you can identify, but I love that you’ve found something that works!

      I’ve been trying, over the last few years, to look more closely at the thinking pattern. To ask myself why I feel anxious, insecure, wounded, forgotten, etc. I talk to M and a few friends about it, wrote about it here. I suppose I try not to always be silent, to give those feelings a voice.

      Thank you so much for sharing, Calen!

      • I think sometimes we know and we just are either helpless to feel like we can do anything about it, or too bull-headed to make the changes that we need. I’ve been in counseling three times, and every time I was told to STOP trying to pull myself up by my own bootstraps and DON’T wear my heart on my sleeve so much. But it sometimes feels like me, myself, and I have to take a vote to pass some kind of legislation for that to even be ok. I’m very resistant to changing the way I am. Though I’m not at all sure why if I know it can help.

      • I understand. Change is difficult! Vulnerability is frightening, isn’t it?

        I don’t ever want to have to stuff feelings away again. So on my sleeve they’ll stay! Except, I’ll also talk about them and share them, and try not to feel shameful for them!

      • Yes! I love her. In fact I have a cd of her’s sitting here for Drollery and I to listen to together. It’s “Men, Woman & Worthiness.” I know Drollery suffers from some of the same issues as me. So we’re going to listen to this together on a car trip in a few weeks.

  3. Writing about negative feelings helps me to be more objective about them. And when I say write I mean fiction. It feels safer to pile my anxieties onto characters in stories than to spill it all out autobiographically.

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