too much

everythingness
taking up all the space 
a stifling flood of
nothingness
inside

too much
urgency
love 
thinking 
desire 
stress 
need 
wonder 
worry 
elation 
awe
change 
sacrifice 
selfishness
doubt
self-defeat

and not enough 
time 
confidence 
time 
confidence 
time 
confidence 

to let go

an ugly current
of auto-repeat
if I allow it

I am the nothing damn
holding back the flow
of everything 

waiting for release

-image credit newsday.co.zw

24 thoughts on “too much

    • This feeling applies to so many things, such as health, child rearing, etc., because what I want to do and what I can do may be very different. Or, what I did do and what I wanted to do are very different. Or there’s a million things keeping me from another million things! And how I feel about all of that cycles through the gamut – anger, guilt, forgiveness, shame.

      But this is mostly about writing. It’s such a conundrum for me. I write for many reasons, but above all, it’s a need. I need it like I need air to breathe. With such a busy life, when I don’t have time to listen to my inner voice, I get frightened she will stop speaking….because for many years, I didn’t listen. I pretended she didn’t exist. And that over-full, stifled feeling was indescribable! So now, when I feel too busy and must table her for days at a time, that fear surfaces and I don’t know what to do with the words! And sometimes I think I can’t hear them anymore….or maybe they’ll stop. Also….I constantly wonder what else I’m holding back, and if I’m even capable of following the creative voice where it may want to try to go. Cycle, repeat. Lol

      • I know! It’s kind of a compulsion for me too. I can’t tell you how many ideas have come to me and been lost because I didn’t have time to write. My brain spins and whirls and sometimes I worry that it will go quiet, too. I have no doubt your inner voice will keeping speaking, she just might need to rest once in a while. Taking breaks is healthy, and maybe even varying your creative outlet. I’m no artist, but I pull out the sketch pad and doodle once in a while, I think it fires different neurons! And that can’t be bad! πŸ˜ƒ

      • Yeah, I definitely agree. Rest is good, as is exercising the creativity in other ways. I think it does help to fire different neurons and encourage more flow. I’ve tried painting and it was great fun, but I don’t do it often enough. I can make a hundred excuses for that too, lol. Time, the biggest one, but finding a balance as best as possible is important.

        It’s awesome you sketch! I think I remember you sharing some of them and they’re great!

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