Hard Work

This journey has not been easy. It won’t be. 

Marriage is work, it’s hard freaking work. It’s a choice, every single day, to do the work. Every day, I see M sitting next to me, and I know he is worth every ounce of my effort, and I choose him. He chooses me.

Over the last several years, we’ve done a shit ton of work. We communicate like never before, openly and honestly. We honor and respect; we express freely and accept the other for who they are. We are happy, and find a contentment in knowing we have a solid foundation that will carry us wherever life may take us. But again, happy and content doesn’t mean we smile and skip through our days, that we have no tears or hardships. We have so many. We are human, and D/s doesn’t change a damn thing in that arena. It doesn’t keep us from having tears or hardships. It doesn’t keep us from stumbling over ourselves and one another, or over whatever life does throw at us. (In fact, there are times when our overwhelming need to help and please the other actually causes us to stumble! But, it’s for all the right reasons, and it always causes us to take stock of our blessings.)

What D/s does do, is give us this built in way to bring a balance that feels right and good, even amidst the tears and hardships. It gives us use of tools that were once hidden or out of reach. It gives everything a voice, and gives us a way to more easily repair, build, and move forward. 

D/s does that, because we choose – every. single. day. (This can apply to ANY partnership, no matter the dynamic). It does that because we are committed to whatever work we need to do to be happy and content, to meet one another’s needs, even amidst the tears and hardships, for the rest of our lives. And it will be work. Also fun, kinky, sexy, humorous, and joyful. But hard freaking work, together.

And worth every bit. 

23 thoughts on “Hard Work

  1. In the daily choice though is there not a freeing of the soul? I applaud you for seeing the positive aspects of BDSM but I also feel bad that the daily “marriage” becomes work. I do understand the sacrifices in any given relationship but I’ve found that out of all my previous vanilla relationships, my current BDSM is not work at all but just a state of being.
    As you stated, ” This journey has not been easy. It won’t be.
    Marriage is work, it’s hard freaking work. It’s a choice, every single day, to do the work.” What your thoughts are is what becomes your reality,so thinking about your relationship as work will be a self fulfilling prophecy. Words are powerful. Beliefs are even more so. I’m not trying to bud in on such a personal post, it’s 2:45 am for me, so maybe being half asleep emboldens me. 😉
    I say this because I see a wonderful opportunity for you, An opportunity to only adjust ever so slightly your belief from work to a lighter expression of gratefulness. I know that reading your post, you are blessed and thankful. I just don’t want it to be work for you.. we all have different beliefs and I’m just relaying mine. Take what you will. Take what resonates with you for the heart is our guide, I’m just making an observation. May there be Many positive adventures for you, thank you.

  2. I love this, lil sister! The definition of work according to the dictionary is: ‘activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.’

    I don’t know about you but we even gotta do a little work to achieve orgasm around this place. You speak exactly of our forty year experience in this marriage. It began in a bliss state but we quickly understood when the destructive winds came beating on our door that the foundation wasn’t going to reinforce itself. So we got busy and as with all successful partnerships we set goals, set out to meet them, changed them when we needed to and celebrated every new experience along the way. Nothing in our marriage that we enjoy to this day just happened – it cost us blood, sweat and lots of tears along the way.

    You know kink is an activity we enjoy; it’s like a room in the house we enjoy spending time in because we decorated it our way. But it’s only one room in a house we built to last. Building something that lasts takes effort. Effort is my favorite definition of work. I can’t even comprehend a life or love without effort.

  3. Really well said. I so relate to what you are saying and think you are writing in a very real way. It is easy to become blinded by the fairytale but when you can look at something through real eyes and still see and feel the magic, that is very special 😊

    • This is an amazing journey, and the benefits are worth all the stumbles, but to pretend their are no stumbles or hardships would not be truthful. I try to share in a well-rounded manner, and not just the highlight reel. I appreciate your kind words and am so happy you can relate. Thank you, Missy.💜

      • I feel strongly that it is a positive thing to highlight this as otherwise people think that they have failed or can’t do it or aren’t suited to it when it doesn’t go quite according to plan.

      • Me too, absolutely. There are so many pitfalls in thinking it’s supposed to be smooth and easy, that it should match only the blissful highlights that are much more abundantly found.

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