Jumping In (Our Way)


Several weeks ago, M and I went to our first play party. We had no idea what to expect, aside from the community organization’s description and pics of the space that were offered online. We didn’t know anyone in the community yet; we’d only attended one rope group and nothing else. 

And there’s a lot to consider in deciding to go! How it could potentially impact our lives if we are outed, the exposure and vulnerability in being naked (me) and playing in front of others (us), the trying to make friends, what we expect to get out of it, developing rules and expectations between the two of us beforehand, and so much more. I think one of the biggest things is being unsure about what part of fantasy is meant to become reality and what should remain fantasy. 

We talked so much in the months before going, wrapping our heads around it all. One doesn’t know for certain which is to remain fantasy and what may become reality until one gets out there and begins to experiment…

So we jumped in.

The first play party was overwhelming, in both good and not so good ways. It’s impossible not to have expectations and visions of what it might be like – how it will look and feel, both the physical space as well as the atmosphere, in the group setting, as a couple, and as individuals. We did some reading online, and openly discussed ours beforehand, which was very helpful. 

No matter what sort of talking we did, there  were still a bazillion things to see and hear and take in at once. Above all, right away, it was the most freeing thing to walk into a room with people who are so open and accepting, who celebrate free sexual expression. The apparatus was fantastic as well; there were many stations and endless possibilities. We walked around, looked, and touched it all. We watched others play. It was exciting – an emotional and sensory playground in so many ways. And the single biggest thing I noticed right away is that no one there was body conscious. No one I saw! It was wonderful. The acceptance and freedom was unbelievable.

Other things weren’t so great feeling. The loud techno music was wearing on me after a while. There was also this feeling – a feeling that many interactions were missing a connected, erotic charge. I mean, they were having fun, but it seemed sort of coldish or disconnected in many instances. It also wasn’t very social, in that we didn’t talk to many people. And I hadn’t needed all that lingerie I bought, because most wore street clothes and just took them off to play (bottoms). 

We did not play this time. We watched and talked, and talked and watched. We took it all in.

It took a while to process it all together, and it was pretty overwhelming that night. We were both overflowing with input and measuring what we saw and felt against what we’d expected, as well as how the atmosphere and experiences could possibly meet our needs and desires.

After a lot of talking, we knew we wanted to go again. We knew some of the things we didn’t love or had perceived the way we did had to do with our own expectations and notions, and by filtering it all through our own narrow filters. We saw acceptance in ourselves. We saw possibility, in many forms. 

A couple weeks later we went again. The second time was much different; we knew better what to expect, and having processed the input as well as possible, we could process more in the moment. Some of the off things that we felt the first time, we didn’t as much the second time, and that probably had to do with not being so inundated with new feelings and information all at once, every single second!

There was a warmer atmosphere, but there were also fewer people, which was nice. The interactions didn’t feel so cold in many instances, and that was partly because we adjusted our perceptions. There will always be some people who are there to play who seek connections in much different ways than what we have or want. There are people into all sorts of things, free to experiment and live out their desires. That is the beauty of being in an accepting environment, having the freedom to do just that! I even wore something on top that was revealing by my standards and felt (mostly) comfortable! 

After being there for a while, talking to a couple people, and watching some play, M decided we’d play. He chose a spanking bench, which was a beautifully crafted and comfortable piece of wooden furniture with pads.

M was pleasantly surprised at how easily I stripped off my clothes and was ready for him as he unpacked his bag. He buckled on my collar, told me he loved me and asked if I was ready. Although I was a bit nervous, I was ready. Very much so.

It was intense and surreal. Tiring and exhilarating.

Although I didn’t register it fully in the moment, a small cluster of people gathered near our bench to talk and watch. We played hard and connected like we always do. The change of venue didn’t inhibit that at all. 

It was unbelievable. 

Our community has a party every month, and we are going again next weekend. He intends to play again. Woot woot! 

It’s so freaking exciting to be traveling this journey with M! We don’t know exactly where we are heading, but that’s half the fun. We are enjoying the ride!

-image found via google images, free getty images


31 thoughts on “Jumping In (Our Way)

  1. I love this post. I’m so glad that you took the time to process everything instead of jumping right in. We have been to a few play parties, and unfortunately, I always found the scenes to be cold and lacking connection. I’m glad you got to experience more. Have fun next week. I’m excited for you.

  2. Yay! I’ve been waiting for this debrief! I’m happy you enjoyed it for the most part. And happy you are going back. 🙂

  3. I admire your courage, Kay. And I’m awed at the trust and love you both have for one another. That’s a beautiful thing! Wishing you the best for the next step on the adventure! ❤

    • It is! The techno was so overwhelming.
      I was so high from the play afterwards. They weren’t standing all facing us, but more in a small group talking and watching. But yes, I did feel empowered. I wasn’t really expecting that – how that would feel as well as people being close like that.

  4. Thank you for sharing your experience Kay. I know that you had some nervousness about taking that step initially and I am really pleased that it worked out for you. What you say about preconceived ideas and perceptions makes complete sense and is a useful reminder for people I think. I like the way you waited and observed and discussed first. I have another friend who is doing the same at the moment and it seems like a good idea. I am really pleased for you and your Sir that it all went well and that you were able to further your journey together in such a positive way 😊

    • I did! Among other unsure things to ponder, I don’t always feel confident about my body, so that was on my mind. I hope it’s all going well for your friend! Thank you for your encouragement and kind words, Missy. I appreciate it very much. 💜

      • I know you had mentioned about the body confidence so I am glad that was one of the first things you felt reassured by. What a huge step you took that it felt natural in the end. We spend so long worrying unnecessarily. So happy for you.

      • … as being that friend 😉 I enjoyed reading about your experience taking that leap into a new world. As we have done the same this autumn we’ve had the good fortune to attend parties with less than 50 people and among those a “welcoming comity”. Our experience so far is that those who play are couples or people which know each other well. There seems to be a friendliness a camaraderie.
        The polygamy, bisexuality isn’t my/our thing. That part of the parties is something we won’t add to our dynamic. But there are lots to learn, it’s nice to watch couples connecting in what they do, their scene/play. We find joy in the company of fellow kinky ppl. Where you don’t have to explain a lot or fear resentment because of our choice of lifestyle.
        You are braver than us though, we have yet to play among others.

      • Welcome! I’m so glad you chimed in, too!

        The people we’ve encountered are diverse. Some couples monogamous, some open, poly. Many single, looking for play partners, some with many play partners. There are groups who seem to know one another very well. There is definitely a welcome feeling and friendliness.

        We haven’t tested any waters other than playing once. There are many things he’d like to try, and I imagine we will when he thinks we are ready. Some may never come to fruition, as they may be thugs we feel should remain in the realm of really hot fantasy whispered in our ears, lol.

        There are some things we’d like to learn too. It is nice to watch, not only because it’s erotic or to learn, but because I find people endlessly fascinating! That might sound creepy, but I just love to know people.

        I think we initially felt like some people looked cold shrike they played. As if it was okay for the sake of play, and it looked disconnected. But I believe that was partly our perception that it would look like how we feel when we play. Which is a very narrow way of looking at things! There are connections, and they are whatever the people involved wish them to be. And there beauty in that freedom!

        We, too, enjoy the freedom as well. It’s like a sigh of relief to walk into a place and not have to worry about what we might look like to another person, no matter how we choose to express ourselves. It’s wonderful.

        Playing was surreal. I never imagined I’d want to….but I can’t wait to try again.

        Thank you again for adding to the discussion! Stop by anytime!

        Kay 💜

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