Elust 99

My poem Secret is included in Elust this month. Have a look a around!

 

Welcome to Elust 99

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #100 Start with the rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Private Eyes
Brittle
Lust Highway

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

I love a man in a suit
Church Smells, Beliefs and Fornication

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

The House Next Door

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Feelings about bisexuality
On scheduling sex
Reasons I Didn’t Orgasm That Aren’t About You

Erotic Non-Fiction

Wet on the Washer
Smack
Alice Takes a Spanking
The GP – Part Two

Erotic Fiction

Rope Tattoo
Poseidon
Taking the Lead
Rites of Passage ~ Part 4
Home
Spanking Desires
How Could I Resist
Summer Smoke
Angel on My Shoulder

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Marks are Memories on the Skin
Him. His cane
Being Naked
A Prickly Situation
Collars in bdsm: Where did they come from?

Poetry

Secret
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Sex News ,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

“What Were You Wearing?”

Elust 88

Home

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This journey has taught me many unexpected things. What began as a journey of self discovery, morphed into one of relationship transformation for M and I. That shared journey, not just the past four years, but the last 25, has been a source of strength and support beyond measure. It’s one reason I am where I am today. Who I am.

I belong with M. There’s zero doubt. He’s my home. He’s my support, my shoulder, my lap, my love, my soulmate. But the thing I’ve learned on this journey that’s had the most impact is that I had to be my home before he could be. I had to belong to me. I had to own my own story, love all my selves, hope for my future, and believe in myself. Only then could I truly begin to offer my surrender on a level beyond anything I’d imagined, anything he’d imagined.

It sounds crazy – I needed to know I’d be ok with aloneness, with my ability to stand alone and be myself in order to be the most vulnerable, to be the most courageous in my giving to M. To truly surrender, and for us to do the hard work that makes this the most amazing, evolving partnership. It’s a sacred place.

It’s the place of true belonging.

-image via Pinterest

Don’t Save Me

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Don’t save me

Swooping in to fix things only robs me,
only serves to set me up to make the same mistakes,
to repeat the pattern,
to fail
myself

support me,
help to set me up for success,
say the hard things,
I can take it,
and don’t listen to my excuses

I need you to,
I’m counting on it

love me,
help me,
but don’t save me

help me save myself

Lost

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It’s easy to get lost in that gap between what you expect and what is reality. It’s easy to feel LOST and unsure. It’s easy to mourn the loss of the things that may never be, to hang on to those expectations and redefine them as needs. To tell yourself you can’t live without whatever would have come from those expectations playing out, even though their reality may look miles apart from what they look like in your mind. It’s easy to not see the beauty right in front of your face because you’re too busy being lost in the gap.

I know. I’ve felt all those things. Many times.

I think it’s easy to fall into this cyclical trap within D/s, especially when you’re the one who asked for this, if your personal growth tends to move at a much faster rate, at least initially, and there are love language differences to both understand and cater to. Add in a long history within the relationship, and there’s plenty to continuously stumble over, plenty of old thinking that creeps into expectations and you may not even know you’re doing it.

There are a few ways in which I’ve managed and diminished that lost feeling: honest and vulnerable communication, practicing patience and trust, and evaluating my own motives. The communication speaks for itself; it’s invaluable. The only way to be truly loved is to be known, so I must know myself, trust in my ability to search for and know my truth, and share that willingly. I must listen to, receive, and accept M’s truth, too.

I’ve had to be patient with myself, and understand that the world isn’t going to end, no matter how lost I’ve felt. I’ve had to have patience with M, and give him time and space for both understanding and putting belief and feeling into action. I have had to trust that he has our best interest at heart, always, and know that mistakes will be made.

Most importantly, in my humble opinion, is evaluating my motives, and challenging my perspective. Some things I initially believe I need, I do not. They are wants, and not necessity. Hanging on to those can create a very ugly place in my head that breeds resentment. This actually succeeds in diminishing my confidence in myself, and results in a snowball effect of sinking deeper into that pity party, causing me to question more things about us as a whole. It’s no good for anyone. Some things aren’t even fair to expect of another person, especially if the person just isn’t capable or willing, and they may not be healthy for either in the long run. Communicating is the only way to know.

Also, some things I believe I need, and think I’m not getting, are needs or wants that are actually being met, but I’m just not seeing them, because they don’t look the way I imagined they would, or I didn’t know M’s intent in his actions. Assumptions suck. Asking questions always helps; communicating always helps.

I’m not saying I can prevent myself from developing expectations, or never feel a gap between those expectations and reality. I’ll do those things again, I’m sure. But I don’t feel so lost; there’s comfort to be had in the knowing of myself and my truth, in our open communication, in my trust in M, and in practicing patience. And in enjoying the moments, in the here and now.