That’s Life


I was the one who asked for us to take this journey – it was a logical next step for us. I proceeded to do a crazy amount of reading and research, and because my own personal journey was intertwined with this one, I’d had the time to think about it all. It’s all I thought about for a long time. M had to do all of that at his own pace and I had to allow for that. I had to offer him all I had to give while allowing for him to find what he desired, how he wished to lead, what he wished to ask for and receive. There was a period of rapid awakening in us both, doors being flung open and sheer excitement abound. It was a necessary part of the journey.

What we’ve found after more than four years, is that it was necessary for that to slow so we could get to the meat of things. So we could truly dive into the deep things that make us who we are, both individually and together. We found that in some instances I was expecting more of myself than he did, and I had to let go of those expectations of both myself and of him. In so many other instances, his desires and leadership have taken direction I never imagined, continue to do so, and I’m often challenged. In order to discover these things, we had to allow things to take their natural course amidst our daily lives, which include jobs, responsibilities, children, bills, home projects, sickness and surgeries, and on. That’s life: it doesn’t stop for us.

I believe the most profound and organic evolutions to our relationship have happened in the time since that frantic honeymoon phase. Settling in, trusting in one another, and having a dedication to continual growth and communication have been the catalyst. Trusting in our process has been the key, even when life seemingly works against us or it feels as though it’s slowing things or feeling stagnant.

Because, again, that’s life. It’s not all honeymoon and frenzy, and it takes every day commitment to the work of being in a deeply vulnerable relationship if it’s meant to be deep and vulnerable long-term. That’s where the most profound opportunities lie – in everyday life. In REAL life. That’s the only way this is sustainable for us – if we can customize it to work for us, everyday, amidst the bustle of everyday life, building a foundation for tomorrow, and not speeding to some fantastical end that misses out on so many opportunities to know one another. Because that’s the only way to see clearly the truest versions of ourselves, the best versions of ourselves.

-image via Tumblr

10 thoughts on “That’s Life

    • Thank you, Tora. I want to sustain the passion! A kinky romp is fun, but I want the meat of it forever, that’s what matters most to me. That being said, I love exploring with M. I’m working on a writing about that as well.

  1. Fabulous, my sister! That’s how you build a stairway to heaven ❤️ – one step at a time. You know how dangerous shoddy craftsmanship is. It’s a bitch when those stairs collapse under the weight of real life.

  2. I always see such parallels in what you write as so much is true for us and echoes how we feel. It is so reassuring to know that there is someone ahead of me in that journey who is willing to give me an insight into the things to come as well. Thank you 😊

  3. The honeymoon phase is easy. Everything is new and exciting. It’s when real life sets in and you stick around for the everyday stuff that makes it the commitment so much stronger. Glad you’re enjoying the good, the bad, and everything in between.

  4. I think the key in this post was the allowing things to slow and go at their natural pace. Rather than forcing things and running into problems. The long haul is what we all aim for. And for that there is no race.

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