Three years ago it began as a diary, mostly as a means to reflect and sort my thoughts as my husband and I began a journey deeper than we’d ever gone before. I don’t care much for the boxes in which labels place people, but for explanation purposes, we began to follow a natural path of D/s, one in which life lead us. And while that is a large part of me and us as a whole, it is by no means a definition of the whole, even though it’s impact can be seen in all the parts. As such, I have always shared parts of my whole life, journaling as I experienced them and reflect upon them. The freedom to be myself and the processes involved encompass every part of me and my life. Those expressions have come in the form of both prose and poetry and everything in between.
The more I learn about myself and the more M and I grow and evolve, the less I’ve needed to process in the form of prose. I know now, part of my sharing was also a desperate need to connect with other human beings. I crave that connectedness, that deep human contact. And once I began to experience that, it was so very profound. I knew instantly it was something huge, a puzzle piece in my life that had been missing. I was afraid to lose it. I often wondered if I slowed down, would people go away? If I began to share more and more parts of me, would people be less interested? And so on. I needed validation, too. To not feel so alone at times, or so crazy even. In the process, I met some people I became very close with, and wondered and sought similar things in those relationships. Being this vulnerable and exposed was new to me. But I vowed to not lose it, to continue the journey, and it has meant continuing to challenge those insecure thoughts and feelings, in writing, and even being honest and sharing them with the ones I care about. That honesty has proven to be such an incredible building block. And I don’t think I’ll ever want to be without this deep human contact, in many forms.
Over time, I’ve also begun to find a comfort I can’t describe in being alone with whatever thoughts have compelled me to reach out first or to seek validation or camaraderie before I’ve fully sat with those thoughts and emotions. I still love to share and connect! And sometimes in the moment, especially in the form of poetry. But more often, I find that I love the thinking and reflecting first. I have found a comfort in the discomfort of the pause. Much of that work I do internally and share verbally with M….but one of the best parts of this journey is also having made friends to share with, friends that have become so dear to me. And I have this blog! This eye-opening, soul-feeding blog!
In this process, I’ve also found the freedom to listen to my voice and allow the creative parts of me to begin to flourish and grow. I experiment with words and forms, take risks, and let my vulnerable, raw voice speak. I share it with you. That’s an incredibly freeing feeling.
Now, my blog has become whatever I need it to be in that moment! If I need to process something, whether it’s specifically D/s related or not, I do. If I want or need to just follow my voice and my emotions, I do. If I want to share something of myself and connect, I do. If I need to breathe for a bit, I do. I do whatever feels right and good. That has attracted such a myriad of different people with as many differing interests, and that makes my heart full! I love that we can delve into the posts that speak to us and scroll past the ones which do not. Please know I never expect a single like or comment unless it has moved you to do so. Because my posts will likely continue to be all over the place: fun, erotic, D/s, life, huge feelings, prose, poetry, etc. I’m a happy, flowing mess! And I’m content with that.
I guess what I’m also trying to say is thank you! Thank you to those of you who have been here from the beginning and to all of you who have joined my journey along the way. It’s my pleasure.