My Surrender

I am no mindless fucktoy
kneeling at the feet of any commanding boy

I am no opinionless subvert
reciting ‘Yes, Sir’s’, wearing plaid skirts

I am no boundless subservient 
doing anything I’m told, devoid of dissent

I am no willing doormat
bowing down, to be looked down at

I am a strong, educated equal
bringing just as much to the relationship table

I am a soft woman, insightful and self-aware
I know where I’m going and I know how to get there

I earned my inner wisdom with blood, sweat, and tears,
and I won’t allow that to be belittled, manhandled by fear

For, I am submissive,
and I choose to follow him

I willingly offer surrender,
because his love is both fierce and tender

I give myself to him,
because my happiness is his seraphim

He values my voice,
so I surrender my choice

He knows what I need,
because he’s asked, not decreed
and he’s been by my side for 24 crazy years, 
sharing in all of the blood, sweat, and tears

I surrender to this man, 
who owns every inch of my heart,
but he doesn’t make me whole, 
that’s my responsibility, my equal part

-image via Tumblr, source unknown

Bruised

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he was all teeth and muscle,
blades of white pinching at her goosefleshed breasts,
sharp intakes of air heaving,
leaving in gasps from her lips,
his warm wetness closing in around the sting,
sucking so hard her eyes clamped shut

but she did not arch away

she pushed herself further into his mouth,
welcoming the pain,
as fingertips dug into her back as if reaching for something he couldn’t wait to unearth

in that moment,
she wouldn’t have minded if he drew blood,
for, he was biting her, sucking her, devouring her

needing her

she would give all she had to give,
and she would take it all in,
all he had to give,

the needing, and the wanting, and the desiring,
the unhindered exposing of his soul to hers,
becoming one

for, they knew,
in the giving and the taking,
in this most sacred exchange,
they would both feel stronger than they’d ever felt before

more

in the end, 
she would be covered in bruises and bite marks,
scratches and ribbons of redness,
she would be rubbed straight to the bone with the kind of urgent exhaustion she imagined an addict felt between fixes

she would wake,
bruised to the marrow with him,
he a part of her, and she of him,
lying in his arms,
forever

-image via Tumblr, source unknown

Take Your Fill

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Disrobing, I exhale, closing my eyes
The sound of your feet, anticipation’s rise

Kneeling, embraced against your frame
Whispering compliance, I speak your name

The stroke of your finger over delicate skin,
The tremble of need, vibrating within

Eyes meet eyes, magnetized,
Strong hands gently spread aching thighs

No further words pass passionate lips,
Only the sound of your fingertips

For night is tender, awaiting your will
Please, use me, Sir, take your fill

– image via greekmeds.gr

I Could Get Used to This (She Thinks, Part One)

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Chopping and stirring, she shuffled about the small kitchen, readying dinner. “Come away with me, in the night, come away with me, and I will wri-i-ite you so-o-o-ongs,” she sang along with Norah Jones, swaying her supple hips to the sultry rhythm. There was something about Norah’s voice that electrified her, made her want to close her eyes and feel every note, made her daydream about arms wrapped tightly around her, flesh gripping kisses, and fists tangled around her curls. It fit this evening perfectly.

She sang and danced her way around the kitchen, grabbing the last few things she needed. Bending to reach the bottom cabinet, she smiled, the cool air on exposed flesh reminding her she was wearing no panties with the nighty he’d chosen, just as he’d asked. As she shimmied and shuffled, there was the constant grip of the soft, black leather around her neck, and the tinking of metal on metal, as the o-ring of her collar sung a crisp, comforting tune with every movement.

The blissful song of ownership.

And all she could think was, I could get used to this.

Pedestals

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Asking M to dive into this journey with me was one of the most frightening things I’ve ever done. It felt like I was running, leaping off a cliff. Except, there he was listening. Trying his best to understand and absorb what I was saying, looking at me with no judgement whatsoever. There he was, leaping with me.

We leapt, together. I, with a soul in an uproar, trying to find center, to shed and get back to who I am, and move forward to who I wanted to be. Leaning on him was frightening, but necessary. Along with all the internal challenging I was doing, was a growing vision of what we could be as we grew. Especially since we felt so at home, and were thriving in this environment of constant and deep communication, of evolution.

As we dove, I was guilty of wishing for us to feel a certain way – he the dominant who took the reins easily and with few hiccups. It was easy to overlook the fact that M was traveling a journey of his own as well, in his own way, on his own time. I put him on a pedestal and expected him to be superhuman. That wasn’t clear to me until longer than I care to admit. I don’t mean the kind of pedestal on which one places a sacred love that you wish to elevate, hold closely, and protect. I mean the kind where there are rose colored glasses and expectations as tall as skyscrapers. The kind that is selfish.

No matter how much I wanted to believe I wasn’t expecting M to be someone he’s not, or grow and flourish at my speed, that pedestal allowed me to expect and hope for things that weren’t fair to expect or hope for. He is who he is, and just because I envisioned this didn’t mean it would look this way. And the most horrible part about putting him on that sort of pedestal, was that sooner or later he was bound to do something that would knock him off. He is human…and I wasn’t expecting him to be, or I was expecting him to be the same kind of human as me. Neither was okay.

The worst part is that when he would fall, I’d have trouble with that, because I wanted him to behave another way, to understand this way or that. To just know. To want the same things as me in the same ways and make that happen.

I won’t lie and say I don’t sometimes still catch myself doing it, because I do. But these days I do know nothing is ever how we envision it, and the best way to develop realistic expectations is to communicate, trust, be patient, and open my damn eyes to see what is right in front of me. I love what I see.

He is who he is, we are who we are, and it’s nothing like I once envisioned. And I’m ridiculously happy with that.

Tinder

in these social situations,
she especially loved their magic,
it was like he was holding her hand,
even when he was across the room,
helping her butterflies settle and her fidgeting
to wane

tonight, he’d chosen the black, backless dress,
the one that accentuated all her curves,
that made his eyes glow a littler brighter

hungrier

as she stood there conversing,
she felt his fingers gently graze the exposed flesh of her upper back,
their strength coming to rest upon her shoulder,
his thumb softly caressing the base of her neck as she spoke

she was suddenly thankful for the cool breeze
against her warming flesh,
as her words instinctively fell to the rhythm
of his thumb’s back-and-forth,
back-and-forth

until the warmth of his palm pressed flat,
gliding to where his thumb had been strumming,
fingers wrapping themselves around the
back of her neck,
gripping

owning

that’s when the words caught in her throat,
something between elation and need
bubbling up,
her belonging effervescent,
so readily flowing just beneath her surface these days,
but threatening to overflow in the moment,
contained only by the slight upturning
of the corners of her mouth,
her bashful anticipation reaching for him

her eyes flicked right to meet his,
and green met green the way steel
caresses flint,
flashing sparks

a foreshadowing of what was to come…

-Gif found via Tumblr, source unknown

Ignite Me

I am your wick
Ignited by whispered words
The heat of your gaze taking hold
Radiating, encompassing warmth
By your hand, your instruments
Melting inhibition
Drawing my soul to the surface
Fueling your smoldering need
Defying all external forces
Except you, I burn
And I burn, for you
One surrendered flame
Dancing, free flowing
A fiery, lascivious glow
Of wanton desire
I am your wick

Ignite me

-image found on Tumblr, source unknown 

I Awake…


I awake to vibrations of electric blue
Afloat in a sea of me and you

Where time is waves of thrashing heat
And space is endless as our bodies meet

Eyes still unfocused, yet clearly I see
My soul knows every inch of the flesh against me

Molding together like sinking feet into sand
Or aching clay resting in the palm of your hand

Pushing and pulling like the moon and the tide
As my body to your commands does eagerly abide

~photo credit truenomads.com, reworking of an older poem